PATTERNS FOR SMALL CONVERSATIONS
#S1.1 Taking turns to empty one’s quiver
Briefly
Sometimes interruptions and lighting exchanges can sabotage a conversation. This is an agreement to conduct the conversation so that everything that needs to be said can be said. It involves allowing one side to say everything about a certain topic while the other listens – and then changing sides.
The context
You suspect that the conversation will become heated and will speed up. It may also be that during a conversation that the conversation suddenly becomes adversarial or polarised.
The problem
When a conversation gets heated, people no longer listen. They are to occupied with formulating their response and counter-attack. Whether you are a participant or a facilitator, this situation seldom helps the conversation.
Design element
Suggest an agreement between those involved (you and the other or if you are facilitating, those involved in the conversation). The agreement: to speak about a particular topic in a way that allows one person to say what they need to say (shoot all the arrows in their quiver) while the other person listens and does not interrupt. Then the other side speaks while the first side listens without interrupting. Repeat this until there is no more to be said from either side. When you start repeating statements, it is time to ask: is there anything else to be said. You can agree on time limits for each round, but don’t have to.
Such a period can be followed up with a joint reflection or harvesting the insights. See the links below.
Linked patterns
- Time to reflect
- Harvesting the insights
#S1.2 Mirroring
Briefly
In the context of small conversations, mirroring is simply for one of the participants or the facilitator saying what they heard another person say and checking if they understood correctly. This can be built into the design of the conversation by agreeing to use mirroring from time to time.
The context
You are anticipating that the conversation will become heated or confusing. It may also be that a perfectly good conversation suddenly speeds up or becomes confusing.
The problem
When the tension rises in a conversation, people often express themselves less clearly. On the other hand, people often don’t hear a perfectly clear statement because they are thinking about how to reply.
Design element
Linked patterns
- Time to reflect
- Harvesting the insights